I smoked for 25 years, then quit. For several years I had quit. Seemingly with success.
Then I met Amanda, who smoked like a chimney. Between the constant exposure near her and the stress levels at work I started smoking again. Dammit! I should have resisted.
The second time quitting is not nearly as smooth as the first. After having not smoked for several years, I had somewhat hidden the memories of the pure pleasure of that first drag in the mornings, the swift delivery of the nicotine to your system after a particularly stressful moment or time frame, the satisfaction of stopping whatever you might be doing for a minute to "have a cigarette". The smoking really gives you break periods in life when things are hectic.
I had quit when Amanda did, only to pick it up again for a bit. I haven't smoked since we married.
And it's killing me.
It's been 5 1/2 weeks and the urge to smoke is no less now than it was after I had my last cigarette. Problem is.... I don't WANT to quit. But I need to so I've committed to never smoking another cigarette for as long as I don't smoke one. That may sound questionable, but I take it a minute at a time right now. And I'm sure that some time before I die I'll have one more smoke for whatever reason.
The gum helps a lot, but it's almost as expensive as the cigarettes. I started running again today, so that should make things easier. You don't really crave a cigarette when you're panting for breath and your lungs are about to burst from breathing harder than you have had to in the last 2 years. On a good note: I jogged 2.1 miles in just 20 min 30 seconds. Not bad when you consider that I haven't really done regular running since November of 2007. I'll be glad to get back into shape enough to be competitive in a 5K or 10K run. I've done the 5K thing before so the 10K is likely my next target once I'm at least back in 5K shape:)
Besides... I'll be damned if I will allow Amanda to outrun my ass;)
1 year ago