Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Guard Hounds, Inc. (tm)

Oh! The travesty of it all!!! (sobbing with head in hands)

I was training Hound the other day in respect to some behaviours that all good guard hounds should have. I happened to be eating a sandwich (if you can call it that) made with wheat bread. Normally I would not eat wheat (bread) for a couple of reasons...

a: The texture of wheat (bread) is that of a kitchen sponge sprinkled with a liberal helping of sand.

b: I don't actually consider it to be bread unless it's bright white on the inside and fully processed.

Anyway... I was eating this faux sandwich with wheat(bread) because that's the only thing resembling bread that we had in the house. We were even out of paper towels or I'd have used some of those instead. There was a piece of crust left that I just couldn't force myself to eat so I decided to test Hound and tossed it his way. To my dismay, he ate it without a second thought! I was devastated!

"Hound!" says I. "That's freakin' POODLE FOOD! Not something a real Guard Hound (tm) eats!" Hound, not grasping the gravity of the situation (he was likely exhausted from nibbling on my fingers during his high impact viciousness training earlier) looked up and acted like he was waiting for more! I think he was just messing with my head.... even the cats know that a real Gaurd Hound (tm) wouldn't voluntarily eat wheat(bread).

Hopefully that was just a one time thing. I took him outside and we ran several laps around the yard and peed on trees and stuff like true Guard Hounds (tm) just to make sure that he remembers what his actual role in the household is. And just to be safe? I bought two loaves of white bread. The real stuff.