Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Only in Meth-land

The county I live in is listed as "The Meth Capital of the World". My particular work location also happens to remind one of scenes from deliverance, as explained below:

I opened the doors for business at 10am. (Remember, this is a fast-food place!) An older couple walks in, looking like they just came from plowing the fields. The woman looks up at the menu board with open mouth and a blank stare, orders some food and says (with a drawl like Elly May from the Beverly Hillbillies)

"Has anyone here seen my pig? We was at Winn Dixie and he's gone. He never jumps out of the back of the truck but he ain't there!"

We assured her that we hadn't seen her pig, she paid for the food and they left.

About 15 minutes later a crack-head looking guy walks in, orders and pays for food to go. And, I kid you not, he says before he walks out of the door:

"Does anyone here want to buy a pig?"

Only in my part of the world, I tell you. Only in my part of the world!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Modern Marvels


The wonders of modern day technology are absolutely awesome:)

I was having issues with the cats invading my space a couple of nights ago. Bob was running amok in the dungeon and wouldn't allow himself to be captured and removed. He even went so far as to go behind the couch so that no one could reach him. The other two cats aren't that bad when they come in, but Bob bounces around like a pinball and destroys things without a care in the world.

I looked around for something to convince Bob that he needed to leave when my eyes lit on a can of compressed air we keep at the desk for keyboard cleaning. Perfect!! I aimed it behind the couch and gave two quick shots, and WHAM!!!!! Bob jumped straight up from where he was hiding, bounced off of the ceiling and hit the glass door trying to get out!

Amanda opened the door and allowed his escape. It was a thing of beauty!

Then the other two cats decided that they just HAD to be in the dungeon. They waited poised by the sliding door, ready to dash in the moment it was opened. So I grabbed the canned air, opened the door just enough for the little red straw to poke through and gave them a blast of air. And then I laughed for fifteen minutes:)

They ran like there was a pack of pit bulls after them! And to top it off, all three avoided me, actually moved away, anytime I walked near them for the next day or so.

So effective, yet so harmless:)

I love it!

Friday, November 6, 2009

Karma :)

I haven't laughed this hard in ages, so let me share...

We went out to a restaurant last night while the children were at the grandparents' house. I happened to be off and it's not often that we get alone time so it was a nice break from Amanda having to spend time in the kitchen. And food usually tastes better when someone else has to cook and serve it to you.

The waitress brings out a basket with bread in it and a plate full of olive oil with the crumbled spices floating around for one to dip the bread in. In the process of placing the plate (while balancing bread-and-oil combos for two other tables on her other arm) she manages to spill a nice little trail of oil from the edge of the table all the way to where Amanda was sitting. No big deal, right? Except for the fact that Amanda was having a rough day and started stressing out about it.

"I haven't taken a single bite and people will think I'm a slob with this mess in front of me!"

"Honey, the other people here are eating, not judging you by the condition of your table cloth."

This went on for quite a few minutes while we waited for the appetizer to arrive. Once that came out and we consumed it the conversation went straight back to the dirty table cloth. Finally the main course arrived and the large plates covered the mess quite well so there were no more repercussions until the dishes were removed and we had to wait for desert. With the oily spots once again revealed and Amanda fussing about it again I finally told her to place one of the cloth napkins on the table between us to cover up the issue, which she promptly did. Now understand- this huge cloth napkin was jet black...

Things seemed to be under control until desert arrived. There was a mint leaf and three blueberries in the whipped cream on top of the desert. I took the mint leaf out and in the process of tossing it to the side managed to get a fleck of whipped cream on the napkin in front of Amanda. She glared at me in a severe fashion while I took my finger and cleaned up the offending spot and tried not to burst forth in laughter. Seeing me about to lose control, Amanda dips her spoon into the whipped cream and reaches over to my side and taps it in several places, leaving whipped cream spots all in front of me. She then takes her spoon and goes for a blueberry with a "Ha!" look on her face since it was now my side that looked sloppy.

As she picked out one of the blueberries, you would NOT believe what happened! The other two blueberries (covered in whipped cream, of course) jump off of the top of the desert and roll down the whipped cream and across the table to Amanda's side, leaving a nice dual trail of whipped cream all across the jet black napkin:)

I started laughing so hard I almost spewed creme brulet (a fancy name for burnt pudding) all over the table. It was karma at its best!

Ok, maybe you had to be there. But trust me, it was hilarious:)