Friday, April 29, 2011

You're kidding, right?

Working in a restaurant has benefits. If you so choose, you can eat anything on the menu fixed any way you want it and it's FREE. On the flip side, you get so tired of eating the same thing every day that it can be a treat to eat food from some other restaurant.

Today was one of those days. We all decided to send someone out to pick up food from other places so that we could have something different.

So I'm in the restaurant busting my butt serving people that feel like eating our food when my cell phone starts to vibrate incessantly. Of course, I can't stop making food to answer the phone so I ignore it. At this point in time the store phone starts ringing, and doesn't stop. Just ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Fifteen minutes later when the lines were eliminated and everyone was served and happy I ran back to the office and picked up the phone (which had not stopped ringing even once).

It was the guy we had sent out for food. His question to me: "Do you want your chicken wings to be white meat or dark meat?" I said "WHAT?????" "Do you want your wings to be white meat or dark meat?" He was serious! I said "Fred, wings are wings. They only come one way." He says "Well, I always order my wings with white meat, because if you don't specify they give you dark meat."

I did not think it was possible to surprise me with the power of human ignorance, but damn if it didn't happen today.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

But will it make a turd?

I love my dear wife, even with her fanaticism concerning weight loss. She often cooks and the food is usually good but at times it can be.... etheral in nature. Today was a special day though :)

I once asked an older gentleman why he didn't like lettuce. He told me that he actually didn't mind the taste of lettuce, but it didn't have enough substance "to make a good turd with". Basically, his idea of good food was anything that would "make a turd" the next morning.

Breakfast today was good food.

We had real bacon- fried on the stove top, not precooked/devoid of fat stuff reheated in the microwave or oven. Then while the wife scrambled her artificial egg whites from a carton I fried three real eggs (fresh from the shell) in the bacon grease as eggs *should* be cooked. While I was working on the bacon and eggs, Amanda was busy cooking grits with a one pound block of Monterrey Jack cheese in them and loads of butter, and big horkin' biscuits that were soon filled with tons of butter and jelly.

If you've never had a breakfast this good you should understand that this kind of meal will generally hold you through lunch, and depending on what time you eat it could even tide you over until dinner. This is the kind of breakfast that I used to eat as a kid, or on camping trips. I think it is sad that people don't have the time to cook a real breakfast anymore.

Especially the kind of breakfast that will make a turd :)