Thursday, February 4, 2010

Hints for the "younger" crowd...

Ok, so you're newly married or perhaps even just reaching the stage where you would consider marriage. There is a rite-of-passage that every initiate to relationships must experience- Mastering the Apology.

It doesn't matter if you've done something wrong. You, as a man, need to understand that even if you're 100% right, you're never right. Ever.

Here are a few tips to make your passage a successful one:

1- Always say "I'm sorry I upset you" and NEVER give specifics concerning what you're sorry about. You probably don't have a clue what set her off in the first place, and it will only give her something else to be upset about when you're ultimately wrong about what caused the situation to begin with.

2- Be sincere in your apology EVEN IF YOU'RE RIGHT! Remember, you're never right.

3- It doesn't matter if you caused the problem or not, you must apologize for the mistakes of others since you will suffer the consequences in any case.

4- Never say "It won't happen again" because it will. Remember: You're never right. Instead, use "I'll do my best to see that it doesn't happen again".

5- Above all else never, ever, ever, ever ask "What did I do?". You're supposed to know what you did since you did it and all males are mystically born with the ability to read minds anyway. Saying "What did I do?" only opens the door to an entirely different set of woes that even the veteran apologist has difficulty dealing with.

6- Once the apology is accepted LET IT GO. I personally know of many cases where men have gone absolutely insane trying to figure out what the hell they apologized for.

One last thing.... if you follow these steps and still don't get it right?

I'm sorry;)


  1. A sub-item for Item 1:
    a) Never, EVER, on pain of eternal torment make the mistake of saying, "I'm sorry if I upset you." If you are apologizing, the object of your apology is clearly upset and using an "if" statement makes you look like an ass no matter what your gender happens to be.

  2. Note to anyone reading here: Choreboy doesn't do this. He is a master of apology. Practically the king. I was just clarifying for the less clued-in. :P

  3. I'm sorry that I didn't specify that... really I am!