Monday, December 7, 2009

The joys of Christmas with a house full of *&$)(&%#@$%^ cats...

We brought home the Christmas tree today, and even as I was tightening the screws in the stand the cats were sizing up the potential scratch pole. After a brief bout of cursing under my breath and some minor adjustments the tree was finally in place, plumbed, leveled, and perfectly perpendicular to the equatorial meridian.

Fortunately, it does not yet contain lights or ornaments.

I stepped out into the dungeon to check my email and about 10 minutes later Amanda says "Honey, look at that!" I look over to the tree and I have one cat getting prepared to meet the other two already perched on the highest point in the tree. I honestly don't see how cats that fat can manage to maintain any sort of balance on the tiny limbs at the top of the tree, but they were looking like malignant angels up there.

While Amanda is fussing at the cats to "please get out of the tree" I did what any red-blooded American male would do: I grabbed the compressed air:)

One squirt was all it took. Bob rocketed straight through the branches to the bottom and disappeared around the corner, Emily splatted herself against the far wall, slid down, and followed Bob, and Daniel decided that he really didn't WANT to climb the damned tree anyway.

I'm currently plotting to pillage the guts from one of the motion sensing Glade Air Fresheners and rigging it to spray compressed air anytime there is motion near the tree. Shouldn't be that hard to do:) Besides, it will be even worse when we add ornaments... the cat's can't resist those.


  1. bahahahahaha love it. course we used to rig our tree to the ceiling. the hook is still there. The cats only messed w/ the tree skirt. Ask me why there are NO pictures of the xmas mornin w/ the tree skirt :X BAD BAD KITTIES.

    no more kitties. But I think the dog would chew up the skirt

  2. We have a cat we'd rent to you. Or we'd pay you to borrow him... LOL

  3. Actually, we have cats that I'd be happy to send you FREE since you no longer have the joys of feline companionship;)