The benefits of chocolate...

Today I was having a really hectic day at work. Things were going well, but it was busy busy busy! Then about 4pm one of my closing employees called in. At 5pm two more failed to show up. That left the shift with only three people and the Manager in Charge which was just not feasible. And when all efforts to find replacements failed I started to get really steamed.

So I sent someone over to the store next door and had them pick up Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Hershey's Chocolate bars, and Almond Joy coconut bars. When the booty arrived, I dove into the Reese's and promptly consumed an 8 pack of them. That's when I realized.... it's almost impossible to be angry when you're eating chocolate!

Either you stay angry and don't have any chocolate, or you enjoy the chocolate and get a brief respite from the anger. It's amazing! Give the theory a test run and let me know the results. I think that you'll agree with me:)

On a side note: Two younger children singing along to MP3 players (that Santa left in their stockings) at the same time with different songs playing sounds kind of like tossing a cat into a pen full of pit bulls. Especially when they don't know all of the words.

The "Quit Smoking" saga continues...

Ok, I've been done with smoking this time around for a bit over 4 months now. I tried a week cold turkey like I did last time I quit but I became very mean and obnoxious so I decided to go with the nicotine gum to ease the transition.

I did some research (ok, I really had Amanda do it since she loves Googling things) and found that an average cigarette delivers 1mg of nicotine when smoked. The 4mg gum delivers the same amount due to loss from a less effective delivery system. The kicker here? With a cigarette you get that 1mg in about 4-5 minutes. With the gum you get it in 30 minutes. A big discrepancy, if you know what I mean. That would be like stretching your Big Mac meal over 6-7 days instead of eating it during one lunch hour.

Anyway... the gum has been doing well for the most part. The cravings are still a real bitch at times but I can pop a piece of gum and feel a bit better. After four months of the 4mg gum I've stepped down to the 2mg gum. BIG difference! I still chew the same number of pieces in a day, but I can feel the edginess in my mood. I'm quicker with the smart-ass responses to things that normally wouldn't even cross my mental radar, and I'm less tolerant of things that would normally not bother me in any way. But I know that it's the lessening of the nicotine levels doing this, so I try to keep a lid on it until my system settles into the 2mg routine.

I'm guessing that I'll do this for about 2 months, then go a month with alternating regular gum with the 2mg pieces and then eventually move over to only regular gum. I should be able to wean myself from the nicotine without alienating everyone around me if I do it this way:)

And I don't know if this counts as a relapse, but last night I dreamed that I smoked TWO cigarettes. I could FEEL it as I inhaled and exhaled. I could FEEL the rush as the nicotine entered almost directly into the bloodstream through the lungs. Unfortunately, or may not so unfortunately, the brand I smoked in my dream was Salem. My last round with smoking was with Marlboro Lights- I haven't smoked a menthol cigarette in probably 25 years. So it wasn't as good as it could have been. But it was a cigarette, dammit!

Just a note for any of you out there that have quit and may be considering picking up the habit again: The second time quitting is exponentially more difficult and miserable than the first. Just leave it alone, it really isn't all that.

ru @ hm?

For the record, I'm fairly tech-savvy. I can rip apart a computer and rebuild it with the lights off, I can install RAM, cards, drives, operating systems, etc. I use a Palm Treo as my primary phone and while it's not the latest in phones it's equivalent to a Blackberry for the most part. I'd be lost without it and due to experience I keep everything for my phone backed up on a removable storage drive on the home computer so that if I have to change phones again I can simply load it via USB cable back onto my new phone.

I added texting to my phone plan for two reasons- the kids will *always* answer a text even when they won't answer the phone, and my boss is a text-maniac. With those things in mind I really don't understand why people insist on carrying entire conversations on in text messaging instead of simply calling. I don't keep my phone on my side unless I'm out in public. And if I'm out in public I usually don't have time to stop and text a conversation with someone. So any communication of significance that I am forced to carry on via text usually takes several hours, when a simple phone call would take all of two minutes.

Add to that the fact that I'm a stickler when it comes to writing out words. I can't stand the texting shorthand that is so prevalent. It's difficult enough to convey innuendos, emotions and insinuations via written word without having the added "lack of vowels" to the menu. Guess I'm just "old fashioned" in that respect:)

Merry Christmas to you!

For those of you not used to reading complete words:

Mry Xmas 2u!

The joys of Christmas with a house full of *&$)(&%#@$%^ cats...

We brought home the Christmas tree today, and even as I was tightening the screws in the stand the cats were sizing up the potential scratch pole. After a brief bout of cursing under my breath and some minor adjustments the tree was finally in place, plumbed, leveled, and perfectly perpendicular to the equatorial meridian.

Fortunately, it does not yet contain lights or ornaments.

I stepped out into the dungeon to check my email and about 10 minutes later Amanda says "Honey, look at that!" I look over to the tree and I have one cat getting prepared to meet the other two already perched on the highest point in the tree. I honestly don't see how cats that fat can manage to maintain any sort of balance on the tiny limbs at the top of the tree, but they were looking like malignant angels up there.

While Amanda is fussing at the cats to "please get out of the tree" I did what any red-blooded American male would do: I grabbed the compressed air:)

One squirt was all it took. Bob rocketed straight through the branches to the bottom and disappeared around the corner, Emily splatted herself against the far wall, slid down, and followed Bob, and Daniel decided that he really didn't WANT to climb the damned tree anyway.

I'm currently plotting to pillage the guts from one of the motion sensing Glade Air Fresheners and rigging it to spray compressed air anytime there is motion near the tree. Shouldn't be that hard to do:) Besides, it will be even worse when we add ornaments... the cat's can't resist those.

Only in Meth-land

The county I live in is listed as "The Meth Capital of the World". My particular work location also happens to remind one of scenes from deliverance, as explained below:

I opened the doors for business at 10am. (Remember, this is a fast-food place!) An older couple walks in, looking like they just came from plowing the fields. The woman looks up at the menu board with open mouth and a blank stare, orders some food and says (with a drawl like Elly May from the Beverly Hillbillies)

"Has anyone here seen my pig? We was at Winn Dixie and he's gone. He never jumps out of the back of the truck but he ain't there!"

We assured her that we hadn't seen her pig, she paid for the food and they left.

About 15 minutes later a crack-head looking guy walks in, orders and pays for food to go. And, I kid you not, he says before he walks out of the door:

"Does anyone here want to buy a pig?"

Only in my part of the world, I tell you. Only in my part of the world!

Modern Marvels

Bahahahahahahaha!!!!!

The wonders of modern day technology are absolutely awesome:)

I was having issues with the cats invading my space a couple of nights ago. Bob was running amok in the dungeon and wouldn't allow himself to be captured and removed. He even went so far as to go behind the couch so that no one could reach him. The other two cats aren't that bad when they come in, but Bob bounces around like a pinball and destroys things without a care in the world.

I looked around for something to convince Bob that he needed to leave when my eyes lit on a can of compressed air we keep at the desk for keyboard cleaning. Perfect!! I aimed it behind the couch and gave two quick shots, and WHAM!!!!! Bob jumped straight up from where he was hiding, bounced off of the ceiling and hit the glass door trying to get out!

Amanda opened the door and allowed his escape. It was a thing of beauty!

Then the other two cats decided that they just HAD to be in the dungeon. They waited poised by the sliding door, ready to dash in the moment it was opened. So I grabbed the canned air, opened the door just enough for the little red straw to poke through and gave them a blast of air. And then I laughed for fifteen minutes:)

They ran like there was a pack of pit bulls after them! And to top it off, all three avoided me, actually moved away, anytime I walked near them for the next day or so.

So effective, yet so harmless:)

I love it!

Karma :)

I haven't laughed this hard in ages, so let me share...

We went out to a restaurant last night while the children were at the grandparents' house. I happened to be off and it's not often that we get alone time so it was a nice break from Amanda having to spend time in the kitchen. And food usually tastes better when someone else has to cook and serve it to you.

The waitress brings out a basket with bread in it and a plate full of olive oil with the crumbled spices floating around for one to dip the bread in. In the process of placing the plate (while balancing bread-and-oil combos for two other tables on her other arm) she manages to spill a nice little trail of oil from the edge of the table all the way to where Amanda was sitting. No big deal, right? Except for the fact that Amanda was having a rough day and started stressing out about it.

"I haven't taken a single bite and people will think I'm a slob with this mess in front of me!"

"Honey, the other people here are eating, not judging you by the condition of your table cloth."

This went on for quite a few minutes while we waited for the appetizer to arrive. Once that came out and we consumed it the conversation went straight back to the dirty table cloth. Finally the main course arrived and the large plates covered the mess quite well so there were no more repercussions until the dishes were removed and we had to wait for desert. With the oily spots once again revealed and Amanda fussing about it again I finally told her to place one of the cloth napkins on the table between us to cover up the issue, which she promptly did. Now understand- this huge cloth napkin was jet black...

Things seemed to be under control until desert arrived. There was a mint leaf and three blueberries in the whipped cream on top of the desert. I took the mint leaf out and in the process of tossing it to the side managed to get a fleck of whipped cream on the napkin in front of Amanda. She glared at me in a severe fashion while I took my finger and cleaned up the offending spot and tried not to burst forth in laughter. Seeing me about to lose control, Amanda dips her spoon into the whipped cream and reaches over to my side and taps it in several places, leaving whipped cream spots all in front of me. She then takes her spoon and goes for a blueberry with a "Ha!" look on her face since it was now my side that looked sloppy.

As she picked out one of the blueberries, you would NOT believe what happened! The other two blueberries (covered in whipped cream, of course) jump off of the top of the desert and roll down the whipped cream and across the table to Amanda's side, leaving a nice dual trail of whipped cream all across the jet black napkin:)

I started laughing so hard I almost spewed creme brulet (a fancy name for burnt pudding) all over the table. It was karma at its best!

Ok, maybe you had to be there. But trust me, it was hilarious:)